I cringe to admit that straight out of university, I would balk when people talked about an event that traumatised them. Like a divorce, bring up their children, a family holiday or being at a certain workplace.
As I listened, both in and out of the therapy space, a pesky little voice said. “No, not trauma. Stress, yes. Trauma, no”.
But that was my psychologist, let’s get it right and I’m wearing tight underpants and let’s be self-important little voice.
I discounted their experience and if they are still talking about it, especially years later. Yep, it is a form of trauma.
Trauma sticks.
Trauma changes the way you see yourself and the world.
Trauma changes your identity.
Trauma moments pop into your head in little moments when you aren’t expecting them and you feel like you are experiencing them all over again.
Little t’s and Big T’s.
Big T involves overly dramatic events. When you are someone else is at risk of harm. This is obviously more dramatic and intense.
Little t – accumulation of repeated, less obvious distressing experiences over time. Compassion fatigue is little t and so is burnout. They are so avoidance with not only different practices but a different perspectives and leadership of work.
Vicarious trauma is in the middle of little T and Big T. If you want to know more. Come along to my free masterclass on How to be a Trauma informed organisation.
When someone feels trauma, it is trauma.
They need to be validated and listened to and treated in a particular way. In a way that comes really hard to organisations.
Three mistakes’ organisations make with trauma.
- The workplace makes the decisions for the team member.
If someone gets injured at work or is upset by an incident. Don’t automatically send someone home or tell them what to do. - Consider them as someone you have to protect after the incident and send them home straight away.
- Think you know how they feel.
What to do instead
- After trauma, an individual needs to feel more in control. You taking it away for them makes them worse. Give them options even if it is- do you want to talk here or would you like to go to my office? Do you want to call someone, or would you like a drink of water?
- Telling someone to go home is not empowering them and treating as someone who can handle hard things. It doesn’t mean they won’t want to to go home, but they might feel better after a break and then doing some alternative work.
Treat them as strong, smart people who have had a terrible thing happen to them. - Listening to them is the most empowering thing you can do for them. Accept the way they feel about it. Just give them the space for them to sit with it. Don’t interrogate and ensure any questions you ask are open and don’t imply they are at fault.
Leaders who don’t know how to do this well are at risk of retraumatising their team.
I know, it has happened to me, and it sticks. You never forget the leader in question. And not in a good way.
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Warmly,
Michelle
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